Self-soothing issue

April 4, 2012

A crying baby may be protesting, struggling to fall asleep in a new way, or frustrated by the change, but she is not necessarily in distress or despair. When we let our babies know that we hear them and acknowledge their emotions, they’ll probably keep telling us how they feel for a while, and that’s OK.

I read this article of self-soothing to sleep. Kellia is considered a mild case when comes to sleep. She does has her usual meltdowns, struggling (literally; kicking her legs, waving her hands) to fall asleep. However she hadn’t (yet) cry for hours- longest is 45mins, and she don’t cry every night. She has no problem during her night feed as well. So I thank God for that.

However as I read this article, I think I didn’t give Kellia a chance to self-soothe. It’s not about being easy for me as a mum to let her do all the learning herself. But it is indeed a great achievement when she self-soothed to sleep. She surprised me at the age of 2 months.

Right now, she probable has her pacifier which helped a lot (!) in her self-soothing process. But as this other article mentioned, parents could be too quick to push in the pacifier thinking she needs it, just to not allow a fuss for more than a minute. I’m guilty of that, and there are times I keep pushing it even she doesn’t seem to want it.

Staying open to the possibility of self-soothing allows babies to actively take part in their care to the best of their ability. As Magda Gerber writes in Dear Parent: Caring for Infants With Respect, “Infancy is a time of great dependence. However, babies should be allowed to do some things for themselves from the very beginning.” This empowers our children and ultimately makes our job easier.

I will have to change my parenting habits to allow Kellia grow into self-soothing & dependence yet without being alone. We are here to support her with love!


Love this article. As I read it, I’m looking forward to seeing Kellia being dependent and leading her own play time. Not to free myself from her but to see her grow up.

Kellia at times can be alone on her own, especially in her playmat, looking at the butterfly or mushroom dangling above her. Sometimes she would blabber to them. Hmm at other times, she would need us to hold & carry her. I wonder which character would be dominant as she grows up haha 🙂

How I should behave

March 21, 2012

Good reminder from one of the parenting bulletins.

Kid’s behavior + your response = outcome

They are not trying to be difficult, they are acting out their feelings when feel disconnected and scared. Before I act, choose love.

I read about validating their emotions, talking it out with them, empathy places a role. It’s not just asking them to shut up or they will shut down their connecting with parents.

When Kellia is having her meltdowns, major or minor, I remind myself that she is still a baby. As I calm down, she will too. Parenthood is indeed a learning experience everyday.

Wenkai and I have talked about a number of times of how the society has changed- especially with the rise of social media which is lacking in our growing up years. We are not boasting but we believe we have a good level of discipline and values, despite the imperfect family up-bringing.

Glad these article enforces that values are important and more so how we should teach Kellia. We should be the role model!

Aha Parenting

The way children learn values, simply put, is by observing what you do, and drawing conclusions about what you think is important in life. Regardless of what you consciously teach them, your children will emerge from childhood with clear views on what their parents really value, and with a well developed value system of their own

The power of asking

February 4, 2012

From Sounddiscipline’s Blog

When we practice asking instead of telling we are doing more than teaching responsibility. We also are indicating as sense of faith and trust in our child that they can see and solve the problem. And we build connection, trust and respect.

This reminds me of days when I’m being nagged by my mum (at times now too!) and I didn’t like the feeling. It drains both my mum and myself. This wil be a new way of discipline which can foster responsibility in kids. Cool!

Kellia needs to be pat and rock most times to sleep. And the ultimate is that she needs to fall into sleep sleep before I can transfer her from my arms to the bed. At times, she needs the pacifier. She has a habit of ‘shaking’ herself awake when she is already drowsy and about to close her eyes. Hence it is not an easy job having her to fall sleep on her own.

Hope this article can help when she gets older.

Respect my baby

January 18, 2012

I hear a lot about respecting my baby and this article explains how so.

…that there is a self-fulfilling prophecy to the way we view our babies. If we believe them to be helpless, dependent, needy (albeit lovely) creatures, their behavior will confirm those beliefs. Alternatively, if we see our infants as capable, intelligent, responsive people ready to participate in life, initiate activity, receive and return our efforts to communicate with them, then we find that they are all of those things.

Tell me what’s going on
Give me attention
Hear me, don’t just fix me
Let me create and initiate my own activities
Trust me with the truth