Woes of a mother

January 9, 2012

The confinement lady has left and officially the real challenge has began. We moved Kellia’s cot to our bedroom and I can finally sleep on my comfortable bed while on ‘night shift’.

Past few days, I kept struggling with the guilt of not fully breastfeeding and overfeeding her. I feel so upset with myself when she’s fussy especially when she wants to drink more after every feed. I blew my temper on Kellia once and it didn’t felt good.

Thankfully I was reminded by a church friend that babies have growth spurt and it’s probably one with Kellia being 5 weeks now. She drinks 120ml every 3-4 hours, and sometimes more. If its a growth spurt, I feel much better and hopefully her appetite will be back to an acceptable one soon.

Guilt plays no role in parenting. It’s too tiring to keep blaming myself and distanced myself from her when she cries out of control. Or when I think of the failure to breastfeed totally, when I had planned and prepared to do so from the beginning. How I feed her doesn’t matter, as long as she’s healthy and I don’t miss out on providing love and care to her. I have to keep reminding myself of that.

Kellia. I still love you. It’s 3.50am and I can’t get back to sleep after feeding you, plus daddy’s snoring beside me :p

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